The 5 Funniest Hangover Cures

If you claim to have one ounce of Irish in you, and on St. Patrick's Day everyone does, you understand what a hangover feels like. When your eyes feel like they are two throbbing orbs dipped in acid, then sand, and then set on fire, before being popped back into your swollen head, you should know what a hangover feels like. When your stomach is shriveled and dried out like a well smoked chipotle and your mouth feels like you gargled with wood glue, you know what a hangover feels like. When your brain feels like you had your head put in a microwave and set to popcorn or baked potato....you get the idea. Hangovers suck! They are the price we pay for feeling like a million bucks the night before. They are the price we pay for having the courage to dance on tables with our pants off while balancing beer bottles on our head. It gives us the courage to ask the hottest girl in the bar to dance until we spill our beer on her and realize we can barely walk. It is the essence of courage and stupidity in a bottle. And, like anything else in this world, everything comes with a price...and that price is the dreaded "hangover"!

So after that wonderful time trying on every lampshade at the party, what is a poor boy/girl to do? The pounding won't stop! My stomach feels like I swallowed lava! I can't even walk to the bathroom and crawling isn't gonna get me there fast enough! As Monty Python would say, "BRING THE BUCKET!" If you have experienced this before you must be prepared. And you have to be prepared "before" you start drinking. Because once you start drinking chances are you will not remember what to do...keep you cure close by and leave yourself a note!

People have been tying one on since the beginning of time. The Greeks, the Vikings, the Celts, Romans, Egyptians, etc, etc.., have all been known to drink until the dance floor, or in their case, the dirt floor, starts to spin uncontrollably. They all understood the effects of a hangover and they needed to find a cure.

• The ancient Romans were a smart bunch of helmet wearing drunkards.  Their idea of a cure for a hangover doesn't sound too tasty, but maybe it worked. They would eat deep fried canaries to scare away those birds flying around their heads.  
• The Mexican remedy for a hangover sounds palatable, but you need to have the stomach for it.  That is, boiled tripe or pig or beef stomach.  I never had a stomach for stomach!
• The ancient Mongolians used boiled sheep eyeball to cure a hangover.  I never thought of that one, I eat those every Thursday anyhow....It's Prince Sheep's Eyeball Day!
• The English chimney sweeps started a trend that may have actually worked, meanwhile causing stomach cancer.  They used ground up chimney soot to calm the stomach.  I guess it's kind of like activated charcoal...
• The cowboys of the old west created my favorite.  I am a tea lover like many people these days.  I love a little chamomile before bed!  Only the cowboys used rabbit turds!!  Yes, you heard me right, RABBIT TURDS!  Only in America..."what a country"!
  

If you didn't want to try any of these great ideas (I only tried 2), you will be happy to learn that one of the best methods is one many of us have been doing in this century anyhow. Many of us try to hydrate, which is always a good idea. We also like to drink coffee and take aspirin. Tests done just this year have linked a buildup of acetaldehyde in our blood. This buildup is caused by the breakdown of alcohol, a job our liver does to keep us from being poisoned by the alcohol. It turns out that the two things that break down this chemical better than "anything" is caffeine and aspirin! The two things that most of us try to cure our hangovers was doing the job just fine. If we just keep drinking that coffee or soda and popping a couple aspirins we should be able to function the day after.  And we will live to try on more lampshades and party till were purple!